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Overparenting

Thank You Parents One child grows up to be successful, sociable, easy-going, and leads a completely normal happy life. Then there’s the neighbor, who grows up to be socially awkward, depressed, full of anxiety, lonely and completely miserable throughout his life. Both growing up in the same neighborhood a couple houses apart. What could be the cause for them to lead such different lives? What could have gone wrong? Over-Parenting. This is defined as parents that are too worried about the safety and the outcome of success of their children that they do too much for their child.

How can one expect their children to grow up and be independent? If, their whole life they’ve been catered to as if they were a newborn baby. Any child who is the victim of over-parenting is not going to have a positive outcome on their adulthood. Children growing up in the eighty’s had more freedom and distance from their parents and therefore, grew up to be more independent. Kids grew up on the block, leaving their house every morning after lunch to go out to play down the street at the park with some friends. Additionally, they wouldn’t see or communicate with their parents until the sun was down when they had to go back inside.

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These kids became independent and learned everything by experience instead of being warned. Today, kids rarely leave their house and their mommy. If they do decide to leave, they have a cell phone in hand that requires a call or text to mom only to report and make sure everything is ok at an exaggerating age of 7. Back then, there were no cell phones or ways of communicating with mom at all times. These kids grow up, go to college and their still talking to their mom every single hour even if its for a small unimportant thing that can wait until later.

When they’re put in a tough situation and mom isn’t around to help them, they are not going to be able to cope and figure out a solution on their own because they are not used to it. As psychologist, Anderegg from psychology today and Nation of Wimps, says, “cell phones keeps kids from figuring out what to do”. The independent child would find a way to cope and figure out the best solution because they are actually used to not getting any help. Unlike, the kids who are “constantly referring to their parents for guidance” as Kramer from Psychology today reports.

These kids can’t learn everything for themselves if they’re never given the chance to at least try. Most of these college kids, all dependent on their parents, can’t seem to cope with the pressures that come with college and life on their own.. These over-parented children are finally set free out into the jungles of college with high expectations from their parents. These children, that have been catered to and protected completely for every instance and moment in their lives are told that they now have to do everything on their own.

They go off to college and still talk to their parents every hour but they still can’t deal with the pressures of college plus the daily struggles of life on their own. Back at home they weren’t alone, whenever there was a problem, mom or dad were always there to help and make everything better. These children are put under so much pressure to do well in school and become successful by their parents. That once they start struggling, with all of the other troubles arising in a young adults life, anxiety and depression could also come into play.

In A Nation Of Wimps, Harvard psychologist Jerome Kagan has shown repeatedly, “that what creates anxious children is parents hovering and protecting them from stressful experiences”. College is full of stressful experiences, the students who comes out on top and graduating, is the one who hasn’t been sheltered and hovered over all of their life and therefore, are used to these stressful experiences. A over-parented child is going to need his parents and won’t be able to control his emotions like a child who has been prepared and given more freedom.

The parent does it because he or she thinks it’s the best thing for the child. In the future, Mom and Dad will see the results and realize the mistakes they made with their over-parented child. Life begins as soon as the baby comes out of the mothers womb and the umbilical chord is cut, at least for most of us, figuratively speaking. In some children, the parents decided to not cut the umbilical chord and leave it as is. They feel that if they don’t cut it, the child will never leave their sight and will always be protected by them.

At age one, it seems convenient because of the babies inability to basically do anything by themselves. After age one is where it gets a little weird and uncomfortable. The baby starts to crawl and walk and it becomes very painful for the mother, especially when the child is pulling away. The child can’t possibly do anything by itself because the mother is always going to be attached by the umbilical chord. At some point, the mother is going to have to let go and cut the umbilical chord no matter how painful it might be. Thank the parents that did that….

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